No, Neigh, Never No More?

And so, the ABP Food Group has suspended production over this horsemeat burger fiasco.  For my many readers who (probably quite wisely) do not keep up to date with current affairs, the BBC reports that 'A total of 27 burger products were analysed, with 10 of them containing traces of horse DNA and 23 containing pig DNA'; and 'In addition, 31 beef meal products, including cottage pie, beef curry pie and lasagne, were analysed, of which 21 tested positive for pig DNA.'

This has caused quite a considerable amount of alarm among Joseph and Joanna Public.  What I find alarming is that, despite the pig DNA being by far the higher quantity of the two types of non-beef DNA found, the horsemeat is what’s causing the stir.  Well, that and the atrocious lack of enforcement in the food-labelling industry, but that's an entirely different blog instalment.

Yes, that's about right.

The BBC News website had an interesting article about why the British are revolted by the very idea of eating horsemeat.  When they spoke to Dr Roger Mugford, an animal psychologist who runs the Animal Behaviour Centre and who is also a farmer, he said there is no logical reason why we Brits are willing to eat pigs, cows and chickens, but not horses.

Why are horses different from pigs and lambs?  Every time Henry and I do the booze cruise to Bordeaux all we eat is horse steaks with lashings of red wine.  It's delicious, slightly more gamey than beef and a bit healthier (or so I'm told).  The meat is also commonly consumed in Belgium, South America and Central Asia.

This Mugford fellow seems to think it could be something to do with history.  Ivan Day, food historian, seems to agree.  'Horses helped out in warfare.  There have been huge sacrifices alongside riders in historic battles.  And there are sentimental depictions like War Horse,' says Mugford.  Day comments: 'We have to remember at one point, before railways, horses were the main means of transport.  You don't eat your Aston Martin.'  Yes, well, oil rots the teeth, Mr Day.

Another food historian, Dr Annie Gray, wades in and agrees that the reasons we don't eat horsemeat in Britain include 'their usefulness as beast of burden, and their association with poor or horrid conditions of living.'

We won't eat horse because they're beasts of burden?  Majestic and noble, helping us plough the fields and deliver the milk.  And I'll admit I have very fond memories of our two grey Shire horses drawing the carts to deliver ale from our small brewery (a wee side-line business to keep my Uncle Whippet busy) to the public houses when I was a girl, with apple-pink cheeks and a cheese sandwich in my grubby mitt.  Now that we live up here in Scotland, we use Shire horses in forestry work.  Our darling little Sylvie learned to ride on the bay Shire we own.  It is my favourite breed, and yes, they are majestic and noble.

However, this does not mean I am against horsemeat as a food, and the beast-of-burden argument against people eating horsemeat is preposterous.  Why, oxen are still being used for much farm work.  They can pull heavier loads and for a longer period of time than horses.  Admittedly, they are slower than horses in some circumstances, but they're steady.  They are more suitable for tasks such as breaking sod or ploughing in the wet, heavy, or clay-like soil.  They're also far less excitable.  They pull carts, haul wagons, can thresh grain and power machines that grind, and they could even be used in some forms of logging.  Bearing that in mind – ox-tail soup anybody?

And how about yaks?  Domesticated yaks have been kept for thousands of years, for their milk, fur and meat…and as beasts of burden.  Their dried dung is a great fuel, used all over Tibet, and it’s often the only fuel available in the treeless Tibetan Plateau.  Yaks transport goods across mountains, and can be used to draw ploughs.  If that's not similar enough to horses, consider this – yak polo.

Yes, that’s right.  It's a thing.

I never lie about such important things.

Or what about dromedary camels?  They are used as beasts of burden in most of their domesticated range.  They're more patient animals too, easier to train and tougher than cattle, and can also pull carts and ploughs.  Better than horses, they kneel for the loading of passengers and cargo.  And, what else?  Oh yes, dromedary meat is a good source of food – mostly water and protein.  These days, camel meat can be made into items like burgers, sausages and shawarma.  Just avoid eating raw camel liver.  It's not good for humans at all.  Maybe avoid the bone marrow too, just to be on the safe side.

To quickly name some others, water buffalo are used as draught-, meat- and dairy animals.  They have also been found carrying loads for special forces.  Donkeys are principally used as beasts of burden, but can also be found as sheep guards, donkey rides, pets and yes, used for meat and dairy (although mostly in Italy).  Donkeys were even used in warfare, just like horses.

British Dominion officers at some sort of obvious tourist location.  Menorca?

Now here's one you might not know about – llamas.  (Cuidado!)  Used as meat- and pack animals by Andean cultures since pre-Hispanic times.  Apparently, 'llamas which are well-socialised and trained to halter and lead after weaning are very friendly and pleasant to be around'.  They are very curious and will approach most people easily.  You can even use these animals as livestock guards.  No, really.  This started in North America in the early 1980s and some sheep producers use them very successfully, especially in areas where larger predators such as coyotes are prevalent.  One male llama is better than several llamas guarding a herd of sheep – if by himself he'll bond with his new sheep charges instead of his own llama family, and he'll be particularly protective of lambs.  Now isn't that cute?

And that's the key word isn't it?  Cute.

Another pack animal I didn't mention above was the dog.  Along with horses, dogs are very much a companion animal in the UK – killing them for meat is a very emotive subject.  Another beast of burden that is also a great food source is the reindeer.  I seem to remember a great furore about a cut-price supermarket chain selling reindeer steak around Christmas time.  And why the hell not?  Humans started hunting reindeer in the Mesolithic and Neolithic periods, and there is still an unbroken tradition of this in Norway and Greenland.  And how old is Rudolph?  He first appeared in 1939.  The other eight reindeer first appeared in 1823.  How are flying reindeer pulling an old, fat man into children's houses more socially acceptable than eating reindeer steak?

Silly sentimental nonsense.

Why is one species more cherished than the other?  I'm only slightly more surprised that some of these cheap flaps of meat even contained beef in the first place.

Henry, of course, focusses on what is really important to him in this whole scenario – 'But beef is British and horse is French!' he cried. 'Just what are those Frenchies trying to pull?'

For me, I think the solution is simple.  Rather than being a species-ist, become a vegan.  If veganism doesn't float your boat, then quit complaining and eat up.  I am far more concerned that my meat and chicken is ethically sourced and well-cared for in life.  If you want to eat horsemeat in this country, then go ahead.  Most of our ex-work horses are being exported to France for food anyway.  So, you can still eat British.

In the meantime, once the Shires have retired and are being kept as lawnmowers, I think I'll get a pack goat.

He looks like he could tow a Land Rover out of a loch.  I’ll take him!