Lyons and Tigers and Bears

Earlier this week Jaguar Land Rover revealed their C-X17 crossover concept.  Well, it's not gigantically subtle, is it?  And it's in a 'lustrous' Caesium Blue (that's cobalt blue to you and me), with some gloss black window liners and some interestingly Dark Atlas graphite grey five-split alloys measuring at a very generous 23in, with gloss black finishers on the spokes.

Whatever that means.

A few more specs, if you would kindly bear with me, then I will get on to the point.  The C-X17's cabin contains slim-line seats, mounted rather low down, and the 3mm-thick saddle leather has been die-cut in a houndstooth pattern 'inspired by traditional tailoring methods' (as distinct, one supposes, from the houndstooth pattern inspired by weaving methods with which the rest of the universe is familiar).  The panoramic sculpted roof draws in daylight, and the interior lighting will be ever-so modern and include lighting the seats.

Speaking of ever-so-modern – the C-X17 will feature an 'Interactive Surface Console' (or touch-screen to you human types).  The systems runs the entire length of the car's centre tunnel, a series of inter-connecting screens between transparent not-quite-glass glass, all connected by in-car Wi-Fi.  Not only does it have all the social media bells and whistles, but you can also, with a flick of your wrist, pass content between front and rear seat occupants.  Along with the usual horribly over-the-top sound system and anodised black aluminium, it is a car crammed to the gills with connectivity and technology that the American National Security Agency would drool themselves over.

Once again, the Daily Mail has very interesting 'thoughts'.

Dear Mr Massey: you're full of nincompoopery.

Come now Daily Mail!  It's hardly designed for women is it?  Now, the Honda Fit/Jazz She's…

Yo.

That, dear reader, actually is designed for women, and even features a heart instead of the apostrophe in 'She's'; exterior colours inspired by shades of eye shadow; hot pink stitching inside on the steering wheel and seats; and pink bezels on the dashboard.  And the windscreen apparently helps prevent wrinkles by minimising the effect of UV rays from the sun, and the climate control system improves skin quality. 

Luckily, it's only available in Japan, because I know a few girls who would gladly take a shot at it.

At the beginning of my blog entry today was the general specification of the C-X17 Jaguar crossover concept I obtained by reading a well-known car magazine  and the official press release itself.

Nowhere does it mention that this was a bid to attract more women customers, or designed with 'Chelsea Tractors' in mind.  I would like it if the Mail did not abuse Jaguar Land Rover’s good name in this fashion.

I will admit that I read the Mail Online for fun, as (in my defence) I believe I’ve mentioned many times before.  But just who are these women that the Mail are writing for, and to where and when did their sense of individuality and common decency disappear?  Going to the comments section of the article I am appalled by the casual sexism against women drivers, but mostly by how many women are not sticking up for themselves.  Do they agree with the Mail's sentiments?

Would Amelia Earhart be seen dead in a 'Chelsea Tractor'?  Boadicea?  How about Pankhurst?  Queen Amina of Zaria?  Well?

Why, in my own upbringing our 'Chelsea Tractor' (using the term very loosely and for illustrative purposes only) was an actual tractor that daddy drove us to school on.  When we all reached double-figures, he would even let us drive it up to the school corner, before we quickly swapped around so that he wouldn't be called into the Headmistress's office again.  His record was shocking.

Although after volunteering as the school trip transport,
 we never went to school on the tractor again.

In my own household here in Airnefitchie, the 'Chelsea Tractor' was our current old Landie.  I would pull up to the school gates with children green about the gills due to the shocking suspension.  Upon arrival at the school gates, a cloud of black smoke belched out of the exhaust (I've fixed that problem now).  Henry and I loved, and still love, this car.  Don’t give two hoots what you think of it.  Our children will always bear a grudge against it for making sure they never missed a day of school due to bad weather, what with the snorkel and attachable snow plough.  Unfortunately, sometimes the school itself missed some days due to snow flurries and the children would look despondently out of the Landie's fogged-up windows wishing they were still in the warmth of the kitchen – or, indeed, the school – instead of the cold of the car.  Eventually, they saved up for a radio so they could listen to the local weather announcements and hear of any school closures before they had finished breakfast or even finished putting on their uniforms.

Oh, and it never went anywhere near Chelsea.

Despite what the slogan says.

Don't know what they're complaining about really.  The Land Rover is a fine vehicle.  Suitable for girls or boys.

If it's good enough for Her Majesty…

What the Mail fails to latch onto is the fact that the new Jaguar concept is parading on with this new-fangled idea of constant connectivity.  I find those words damnable!  Why must people insist on being 'hooked up' ‘24/7’?  Surely, giving them the ability to update their social media network whilst driving is very poor idea indeed!  At least my father crashed his tractor due to its heavy load of ten or fifteen primary school children, not because he was updating his TwitBook with a status saying he was probably about to crash.

What I want to know is, will it actually have the 4x4 capability it has the potential to have?  And for the love of all that is holy, will it come in a different colour?  In good old BRG and with the all-terrain performance of a Land Rover or Range Rover, then I might grow to like it.  And the Jaguar C-X17 is the prettiest of the crossovers I've seen, so it's not all bad.  It's not like it's the Porsche Cayenne, which is the most pointless and badly named crossover I have ever come across.

Having said of that, this is a Jaguar concept, and we all know how likely it is to be made into a production car.

It's awfully lonely out here…hello?  Anyone?

So, come on, ladies!  Don't let the Mail, or anyone, brainwash you into thinking any car is specifically designed for women (expect the aforementioned Honda Fit-You-On-About-Min); not until you've read the press release.  And always remember the golden question when in the sales room: 'Yes, but will it work on/in mud/snow/gravel/steep hills/sand/fords whilst transporting a trailer full of a class of twenty primary school children without toppling over?  Well?'